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Wh47 7h3 H377 D035 7h4t 54y? (What the hell does that say?)

what about this one...

"1 w45 50 j4ck3d up |457 n16h7. 1 5c0r3d 50m3 cr4ck 47 7h3 p4r7y 50 1'd h4v3 17 f0r 70n16h7 4nd 70m0rr0w, 4nd 7h3n J1mmy 700k 0ff w17h 17, 7h3 455h0|3! 1 4m 4|| j1773ry 4nd n33d 70 m337 up w17h y0u 70n16h7 4f73r my p4r3n75 7h1nk 1 4m 45|33p. c4n y0u m337 m3 47 b0j4n6|3'5 47 m1dn16h7 ju57 f0r 4 f3w m1nu735? 1 ju57 n33d 4 |177|3 4nd 1 c4n p4y y0u b4ck 0n m0nd4y, 1 pr0m153."

Have any idea what this says??

Translation:

"I was so jacked up last night. I scored some crack at the party so I'd have it for tonight and tomorrow, and then Jimmy took off with it, the [expletive]! I am all jittery and need to meet up with you tonight after my parents think i am asleep. Can you meet me at Bojangle's at midnight just for a few minutes? I just need a little and I can pay you back on Monday, I promise."

I read this on CNN today, and we as parents need to catch up on the text lingo. Man, I just got a quick lesson. Check out the article entitled," "Parents, do you know what these texts mean?"

Funny Thing My Kid Said

Mommy, are you drinking Pig Wine tonight?

Mommy, Can You Sew Up Puppy's Butt?

Yes, you read that correctly. You see Puppy Max used to be a puppet. Miss M wanted me to perform surgery today to close her up and be just a puppy. So, here are some post-op photos of both patient and "mom," all happy faces now!

My life Is never "normal."  I was in Kenya 5 days ago, today I sewed up a stuffed animals butt! Now, that's funny.

 

My Kid is Friggin Hilarious

"Funny Man I" started singing on the road trip through Utah...

"I kissed a cow and I liked it!"

Stupid Things That Come Out of My Mouth

As Funny Man I was heading upstairs to get dressed for the day, I can't believe that I had to say, "Dude, can you NOT lick the handrail as you go up the stairs!"

Boys are NUTS!

We Start So Young

Women talk what, three times more than men?

Well, I guess this one started really young!! I hope you enjoy.

Overheard...

Overheard at the dinner table...

"Look Mom I can lick my own armpit!"

Boys are Stupid

The other day Zman screamed from upstairs, "Mom, we need your help and hurry!"

I ran upstairs and saw this. Yes, this is Funny Man I with his head in the Dora oven. His head was stuck in between two shelves. It was difficult not to break out in laughter. Okay, I laughed out loud even when he started to get worried. He really got mad when I took the photo!!

After we had the "Don't panic" discussion, he was able to wriggle out. He gave me some lame excuse about "looking" for plates. Really? You couldn't just open the OTHER door to look? Really?

Well, the only three words that come to mind are "Boys Are Stupid!" What do you think?

This Just Made Me Laugh

HER FIRST PAY CHECK

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us."  "My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the damn sheet rock."

Stories like this just bring a tear to your eye.

AHH, WHAT?

I just had to cut Thomas the Train OUT of my 3.5 year olds hair. YEAH, YOU READ IT RIGHT!